Articles about Parenting

Parenting Your Teenager: Kids and Money

2009-07-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage the money they will be making. Even if their parents have attempted to teach them about money, they still haven't had the wonderfully frightening experience we have all had. You know the one: It's called ``getting to the end of the money before the end of the month.''

Here are some tips on teaching teens about managing the money they are about to make.

Once they get a job, here's what to do. Have them take the very first pay check and ... blow it. You might have been expecting me to say save it, buy a savings bond or something else responsible. Here's why I suggest having them spend it: They get to experience the benefits of hard work and have some fun.

After the first paycheck, here's how to handle every other paycheck, for the rest of their lives. I call this the 10 by 4 solution. With each and every paycheck, take 10 percent and put it in four different places.

1) First 10 percent: Pay yourself first.

Put this 10 percent in some form of savings that you do not touch until you retire. Begin this when you're young, and it's amazing what can happen. If a person starts at age 21 and puts just $1,000 a year into some kind of savings that will gain at least a 10-12-percent return a year (this is very doable, by the way), and did this for only eight years until age 29, and then didn't touch it until age 65, he or she would have accumulated almost half a million dollars.

2) Second 10 percent: Give it away.

If you are a person of faith, you've probably been taught to tithe. Whether it's tithing or simply giving to a favorite charity, giving away 10 percent teaches your brain an interesting thing: If I can give this away, there must be more than enough to go around. A nice way to feel.

3) Third 10 percent: Put this 10 percent toward getting rid of any debt that may have accumulated.

4) Fourth 10 percent: Save it up for something you really want.

For many kids that's a car. Or maybe a trip, a stereo or some nice clothes.

In this way, you are teaching your teen, from day one, how to live on 60 percent of his or her income, instead of the 110 percent that most of us live on.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS

2009-07-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?

I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.

It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family. Commercials with little human decency shown during prime-time family hour have become the norm.

Have you seen them?

* As she flosses her nether regions with skimpy attire, Paris Hilton eats a Carl's Jr hamburger while washing a Bentley with her body. Word is that sister company Hardee's will be airing a similar commercial soon.

* In a commercial for the franchise, "Jack In The Box", comments are made about the things Jack is giving away in his latest promotion. A man reads the "giveaways" and comments on how Jack is giving away everything but his wife. He then states, "Oh, what I would do for a night with her".

* One of the latest Burger King commercials borrows from The Wizard of Oz and features Hootie of, "Hootie and The Blowfish" fame and Brooke Burke from E-TV's "Wild On". After seeing so many "shaking tushes" on this "Yellow Brick Road", you are left wondering exactly what you are able to "have it your way" at Burger King.

SMUT is everywhere; primetime commercials, primetime TV sitcoms, radio talk shows, music lyrics and billboards on the side of the highway.

SMUT has become a kind of "second hand smoke". Just like smoking, it is being thrown in our face from all angles. Its encroachment into our lives is creating moral cancer in our families even when one doesn't personally indulge.

Before you scream censorship at me, visit your favorite restaurant. All that food may be beautiful, but if several people came over and started shoving their entrees in your face, it would become a whole new issue.

I have an idea. Why not give it a try? The next time you step into Carl's Jr for a burger, ask them to drop it into the nearest mop bucket. After all, isn't that supposed to be a great way to enjoy one of their burgers?

Perhaps it's not just a coincidence that SMUT spelled backwards is TUMS.

Maybe if advertisers see parents reaching for a Tums instead of reaching for what they are selling, they will be more considerate with how they spend their advertising dollars.

(C)Copyright 2005 advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com
by Stanley J. Leffew
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, "How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime". His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why leading-with-the-body in life and relationships feeds desire but fails to satisfy the longing of the heart for love, companionship and intimacy by visiting http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.

You Can Laugh At Discipline Worries If You Follow This Simple Plan

2009-07-06T01:19:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for this day for 16 months. I heard about this brilliant parenting consequence at a PTA seminar and have been waiting for the right time to use it...the time is now!

After my eleven-year-old son left for school this morning, I began removing his bedroom door from its hinges. I can't wait to again discuss the matter of last night's door slamming with a calm, cheshire cat smile on my face. As we discuss that doors are for closing and providing privacy and they are not exclamation points at the end of a testosterone tirade.

I like to call this parenting approach the "Cheshire Cat Method of Parenting." It provides the perfect visual for what your face will look like when you apply this parenting method.

Picture the cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I would describe the look he gives Alice as one of amusement, challenge and mystery. You feel like he knows something you don't know when you look at the smile/smirk on his face. As you look in those conniving eyes you are convinced that there is a mystery a foot and he's quite pleased with himself.

As a parent of 5 wonderful, terrible, clever, determined and cherished children, I've learned that when they choose to not follow what their father and I have outlined as our "reasonable expectations" it's easy to be angry with their apparent defiance.

However, I'm slowly discovering the fact that there is no need to allow myself to be angry when these times occur, they've made a choice and it's my job to teach them that all choices have a consequence. I'm learning to meet out consequences with creativity, humor and a cheshire cat smile on my face.

So start practicing putting that look on your face as you learn and apply these "4 Simple Parenting Smirk Tips."

Smirk Tip #1

It's easy to punish a child for their disobedience or defiance. The challenge of parenting is to provide them with natural consequences to their behavior. Punishment is punitive and consequences are educational.

When your child makes a poor choice that results in a need for a natural or creative consequence, put on your cheshire cat smile and start considering the consequences.

Look for the natural consequences to their inappropriate behavior. You may not need to add any additional consequences. If they forgot to do their homework, then they get a lower grade or miss recess to complete the assignment at school.

Put on your cheshire cat smile and choose your battles. If they have experienced a natural consequence to their behavior, then smile that smile and encourage, model and teach them to be more organized the next time.

A major role of wise parents is to help their children learn life lessons before they become adults and make decisions that could negatively impact their life for the long term.

If they steal a candy bar at the grocery store, then a natural consequence would be to return the bar and apologize. You could even take it a step further with a creative consequence and have them use their allowance to pay for the bar and not get to keep the candy.

If they steal at age 21, a natural consequence would be jail and there is no longer the opportunity to apply a creative, educational, consequence.

Which do you think would be better; to have our children learn the importance of honesty at age 4 or age 21? Identifying natural and creative consequences allows for this learning process.

Smirk Tip #2

Defuse the situation with humor and creative consequences that "fit the crime."

Removing my sons' bedroom door for a week after it's slammed is a creative consequence. Grounding him from X-box for a week is a punishment. Which applies more to the 'crime' and which will allow me to talk calmly and discuss why it is a problem to slam doors in our home?

Here is another example of creative consequences. My fourteen old son threw a pillow at his sibling for the millionth time about a month ago. He had been previously counseled and punished several times regarding this unacceptable behavior.

This time my husband put on his cheshire cat smile and calmly told him that because he threw the pillow, the furniture was now in fear of it's life and if he sat on the furniture it might suck him in and eat him! (See, parenting can be fun)

Consequently, he couldn't sit or use any of the furniture in the den for 24 hours. Then the furniture would have time to calm down and it would be safe for him to use the furniture again. After all, we were only concerned for his safety.

Not using the furniture for 24 hours was a creative consequence. The imaginative story that we feared for his safety, was fun and allowed us to put on our cheshire cat smile. It's been a month, no more flying pillows at our home!

Smirk Tip #3

Don't buy into the power struggle...or in other words, don't allow yourself to loose control of the situation.

If you can talk calmly and think clearly and creatively, then you are in control. If your child draws you into a battle of wills or wits then you will loose your temper and they win control of the situation.

When I explain what is required, such as finishing the dishes, and I am met with a whining response of dissatisfaction, I put on my cheshire cat smile and calmly explain, "I don't speak "Whinese". When you can talk to me like a normal person, we'll discuss your concerns. In the mean time, do the dishes.

Smirk Tip #4

Put on your cheshire cat smile and lower your voice rather than raise your voice. I've heard this advice from several parenting coaches and counselors. Guess what, it works!

If you are prone to yelling, then this smirk tip will really throw your kids for a loop. If a situation arises that you would normally begin to yell, instead put on your cheshire cat smile and lower your voice.

You will see their looks of bewilderment and wonder, and find that when your children are at a loss for words, they do what they're told. Isn't creative parenting grand?

There will be times where you may not be able to determine a good creative consequence, or the natural consequence isn't strong/severe enough. Don't loose heart, there are times when you have to just pull out the more punitive punishments where they loose a privilege. It helps keep them on their toes too!

A few months ago we just couldn't come up with an appropriate consequence, so we fell back on the loss of x-box for a few days. My 14-year-old son was a bit distraught and I told him if he could come up with a consequence that better fit the crime, I would consider revising the consequence.

You know you are in parent heaven when your children are suggesting appropriate consequences, which are good! With a slight tweak, we changed the consequence to the one he suggested. Of course, we changed the consequence with the infamous cheshire cat smile on our face.

As you practice the cheshire cat method of parenting, you will discover how much fun your parenting experience can be. Plus, your children will learn life's lessons more effectively and effeciently.

Happy smirking!

Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading marriage advise web site, MarriageAdvice.com. To download your free ebook titled, "101 Marriage Secrets" visit http://www.MarrigeAdvice.com.

The Neurology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Part One

2009-07-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

The most recent models describing what is happening in the brains of people with Attention Deficit Disorder suggest that several areas of the brain may be affected by the disorder. These impacted areas include the frontal lobes, the inhibitory mechanisms of the cortex, the limbic system, and the reticular activating system. Each of these areas of the brain is associated with specific functions.

The frontal lobes help us to pay attention to tasks, focus concentration, make good decisions, plan ahead, learn and remember what we have learned, and behave appropriately for a given situation.

The inhibitory mechanisms of the cortex keep us from being hyperactive, from saying things out of turn, and from getting mad at inappropriate times, for examples. They help us to "inhibit" our behaviors. It has been said that 70% of the brain is there to inhibit the other 30% of the brain. When the inhibitory mechanisms of the brain aren't working as hard as they ought to, then we can see results of what are sometimes called "dis-inhibition disorders" such as impulsive behaviors, quick temper, poor decision making, hyperactivity, and so on.

The limbic system is the base of our emotions and our highly vigilant look-out tower. If over-activated, a person might have wide mood swings, or quick temper outbursts. He might also be "over-aroused," quick to startle, touching everything around him, hyper-vigilant. A normally functioning limbic system would provide for normal emotional changes, normal levels of energy, normal sleep routines, and normal levels of coping with stress. A dysfunctional limbic system results in problems with those areas.

The Attention Deficit Disorder might affect one, two, or all three of these areas, resulting in several different "styles" or "profiles" of children (and adults) with Attention Deficit Disorder. This is why we have identified six different "types" of ADHD, and describe each at the ADHD Information Library. Along with a description of each different type of ADHD is a specific treatment strategy to consider using specific amino acid combinations from targeted nutraceutical medicines that are widely available today on an over-the-counter basis. These strategies can be highly effective when specifically targeted to the right "type" of ADHD.

When EEGs of ADHD children are compared to non-ADHD children, often we find that the Attention Deficit Disorder children show excessive slow brainwave activity (theta and alpha ranges) compared to non- ADHD children's brain activity. The slow brainwave activity indicates a lack of control in the cortex of the brain. Lack of control... pretty descriptive of Attention Deficit Disorder kids. Medications, EEG Biofeedback training, Attend Nutraceuticals, and some other interventions, try to change this and normalize this, at least temporarily.

What causes these various systems of the brain to get out of balance with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder individuals? Why would these systems become under aroused or over aroused? Is there one central system that controls or regulates these other systems?

The answer may be found with the Reticular Activating System which we will discuss in the next article. You can learn more information about the neurology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder the ADHD Information Library.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Resilience, A Woman's Act Of Coming Back To Center

2009-02-06T00:44:00.001-08:00

Resilience is a great concept. As mothers, we must master this art. Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune. Resilience is buoyancy. Think of all the things this covers. A few examples might be our families get sick, we mend them back to health, our spouses have a hard day at work and is grouchy with us, or we have another curve ball thrown at us from work or life in general. It, also, means the properties of a material, which enable it to resume its original shape or position after being pulled, stretched, creased or compressed.

How many times a day do we feel, pulled, stretched, or compressed in some way, either emotionally, physically, mentality, or even spiritually? When we live in a place of reaction, we tend to feel this much more often than most. After really studying the evaluations of women and the effects this lifestyle had on our bodies and marriages, I saw a consistent theme. Women tend to have some of the same warning signs when they are being pulled past our natural resilience points: depletion, strain on relationships, taking things personally, higher emotions and chaos. Resilience can come to mean having the ability to discern and focus on thoughts, relationships, actions, and internal beliefs that nourish and replenish the mind, body, and spirit with joy, love, enchantment, and elegance. It is the state of having continuous experiences throughout the day that renew and re-energize you. Resilience, also, means ending the day with energy and gratitude for the lessons learned and the way in which we learned them. Sometimes we learn them the easy way, and sometimes we are just plain stubborn learning them the hard way. Either way, resilience means having compassion for self in that moment.

There are a few of the simple things that bring me back to a state of resilience � smelling a rose, giving my daughter a hug, sending a note to a friend, taking a deep breathe or just stopping long enough to see what it is I really want. These little things work for me when I catch myself getting to the point of utter exhaustion.

However, there are those times we stretch ourselves in so many directions we get torn; and sometimes we break. Then what? Order up the main course of self-forgiveness, blended with cup of compassion; add a shot of grace, and a side of self-reflection. Take a bath, write in your journal, or just allow yourself to take a step back and connect the dots of what just happened, without the need to justify or blame.

When women get in the habit of asking ourselves: What do you need in this moment? We honor our �self� and ourselves bringing us back to the natural resilience point; where we listen and follow what we hear in our hearts. For each woman, it will be different, unique, but that is what makes us special and why we need to pay attention to what makes us FEEL better - Sometimes it is a good cry, sometimes just calling a friend does the trick. Most of the time, the act of taking a few deep breathes and allowing myself a few minutes to take off the wonder woman cape and trade it in for my fuzzy Scooby Do blanket allows me to know that all will be there once I have received self-care. What is your recipe of self-care when you are torn and tattered? Just knowing that if you get to that point again, and you will, you have a plan of self-care allowing your body to stop and take a few steps before reaching the breaking point. You already have the structure and a way to love yourself back to center.

It is so easy to get lost in endless speculation. Just for a moment don't ask to understand the secrets of the universe, but simply to know what THIS moment means. So, today in the midst of all that is happening in your life, release the need to know why things happen the way they do. Instead, ask for the insight to recognize what you're meant to learn. Resilience is ours to claim and ours to experience. Are you ready to claim your part today???

Heather Lynn Jergens, MSC �The Super Woman�s Guide�

Her gift is touching women with her gentle strength, sense of play and incredible insight. Visit her site http://www.tatteredcape.com

"Where's My Daddy?" - A Simple Question With A Complicated Answer; Part 4 of 5

2009-01-10T02:24:00.001-08:00

Moms, at some point you will probably hear "Where's my daddy?" Whether the dad has ever been part of the parental picture or not, his absence is conspicuous.

Dads, if you're trying to reconnect with your children, read on to understand what Mom has gone through.

Sometimes, Dad is in the house and still absent. That was true in my case. I was more interested in work than family. And my kids took notice. As I wrote in Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust (at http://www.Bad-Dad.com/ez3.htm) my 16-year old son told me, "Work is evil for you."

I thought about that for years. Work is evil? Of course, work is not evil. Ignoring my kids in favor of work ๙ that was evil!

In my case, the answer to "Where's my daddy?" was, "He's working."

Whether he's ever been in this house or is just inaccessible, the question will come.

Here's some tips for handling that moment.

* Be prepared. If Dad is physically absent, the question will come early, around four or five. The child becomes aware that their family seems different from other families. They see dads picking up kids at events and watch the father/child interactions at church, day care and pre-school.

* Talk about differences openly. Point to unconventional families. Most have two parents, but others have a mother only, sometimes grandparents raising the kids. Try to make the child feel that his family is just as normal as those.

* Never, ever let the child believe that he is the reason that Daddy is not there or involved.

* Don't criticize Dad. The older the child, the more you can disclose. But make sure you tell the truth. Don't make Dad out to be a fire-breathing dragon. If he reconnects, your credibility is on the line. And the kids will hold you responsible for any untruths.

* Share any information or pictures you have about the missing Dad. Be as open as possible.

* If you're struggling with single parenthood, get help. Your child will emulate your struggle. But the good news is that the child will emulate your comfort too. Your confidence as a parent will build confidence in the child.

* Let the child express their feelings. Listen and validate their feelings.

If you have tips you'd like to share, contact me at the website below.

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David Perdew, author of "Bad Dad: 10 Keys to Regaining Trust," is a father and former Bad Dad. Claim your free Special Report -- Absentee Dads: A Child's Worst Nightmare! at => http://www.Bad-Dad.com/srad.htm

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Everyone wants Peace. Today's a good day to start.

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ADHD: Dialogue with a Non-Believer, Part Four

2009-01-06T12:39:00.001-08:00

Dear Sir,

It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of our church. There were elements of the article that were insightful, helpful, and needed to be said in a public forum, especially the discussion of the moral and spiritual dimensions of behavior. For this part of the article I applaud Mr. W.

However, Mr. W's discussion on the physiological/biological aspects of ADD ADHD was lacking to the point of being misleading to the readers. I am sure that Mr. Welch had no intention of misleading any readers, as that would hardly reflect the "biblical guidelines with which to understand ADD" that he seeks to communicate. Therefore, for the sake of clarifying some details, may I present the following evidence. Perhaps in the near future you would run an article that would present some of this information to your readers, so that they have an accurate understanding of the disorder.

We continue the dialogue here in part four. Mr. W writes,

"The popular assumption is that there is an underlying biological cause for the behaviors, but the assumption is unfounded. Although there are dozens of biological theories to explain ADD, there are presently no physical markers for it; there are no medical tests that detect its presence. Food additives, birth and delivery problems, inner ear problems, and brain differences are only a few of the theories that are� unsupported by evidence."

". . . there are presently no physical markers for it;"

This is not supported by research. There are many physical markers for it. One just needs a fMRI, SPECT scan, QEEG, or PET scan, to see them. I have personally performed hundreds of EEGs and some QEEGs, and can attest first hand to the differences in brainwave patterns of ADHD individuals vs. non-ADHD subjects.

". . . there are no medical tests that detect its presence."

This is also misleading to the readers. Many, if not most, biologically based medical conditions are diagnosed by the observation and experience of a trained clinician or physician. Many medical conditions have no "medical tests" that detect its presence.

For example, I am presently house-bound recovering from pneumonia. Did you know that until July, 2000, there were no "medical tests" that detect the presence of pneumonia? Just last summer a urine test was approved by the FDA which is between 75% and 80% accurate in diagnosing pneumonia. There are no blood tests, or other forms of "medical tests" to diagnose it.

My pneumonia was diagnosed solely on the observation and experience of the physician. He listened to my breathing and coughing. He observed and interpreted a chest x-ray. Then he made a judgment, a diagnosis, based on observation and experience (not on empirical, objective results from any medical tests), and began treatment. The x-ray, my coughing, etc., gave him evidence of a condition only. He had no "medical tests" (he did not try the new urine test) to tell him if I had viral pneumonia, bacterial pneumonia, or mycoplasmic pneumonia. Yet based on observation and experience he started a course of treatment. The treatment involved the use of powerful medications, and the treatment has so far been beneficial.

The fact that there are no blood tests - "medical tests" - to diagnose pneumonia is hardly evidence that I am not suffering from a medical condition.

ADHD is also diagnosed by clinicians through observation and experience. The clinician would rely on developmental, family, academic, and genetic histories, behavioral rating scales, and objective testing. There are tests, psychological and neurocognitive tests, that are extremely helpful in making a diagnosis, such as continuous performance tests and other tests of executive functions. There aren't any blood or urine tests - "medical tests" - as Mr. Welch would say. But that does not invalidate the biological basis for the condition.

Mr. Welch further writes: "There are some medical problems that can provoke ADD symptoms. For example, thyroid problems can affect energy level, and hearing or visual impairments can make paying attention difficult."

Yes, these are true. But they describe thyroid problems, and hearing or visual problems, completely separate medical conditions which happen to share some symptoms with ADHD. They do not cause Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Depression and anxiety can cause symptoms that look like ADD, but they are not ADD. A head injury can cause symptoms that look like ADD, but a head injury is not ADD.

The neurological problems that cause ADD are the causes of ADD. Mr. Welch is simply unwilling to admit that there is a neurological, biological, physiological basis for a very real condition called ADHD. His position, however, is not supported by the reality presented in the research.

This is the end to part four of this discussion. You can learn more about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by visiting the ADHD Information Library's family of web sites.

Keeping the Stress out of Single Parenting

2009-01-05T22:58:00.001-08:00

Researched through personal experience!

Budget Your Money. Even if you are living paycheck to paycheck like most of us, knowing how much money goes to where can be a big help. This gives you the relief that the bills are being paid, with a feel of how much you can spend on allowance, school photos, birthday gifts, entertainment or just You!

Keep a Daily Schedule. Time is important, so teach that to the kids by implementing a routine. Put together a schedule reflecting chore & homework time. If the kids know their daily routine then it gives them something fun to work for when the Room is clean or the garbage is taken out. Don�t be afraid to make your own chores so that your children see you set a positive example.

Let Your Kids be Kids. Even though taking on Single Parenting has sometimes forced you to become serious and lacking laughter, remember those precious children never asked to be in this situation. Don�t force them to grow up any faster and deal with the �Single Parent Issues� that we have to deal with. They are still kids and they shouldn�t have to worry about anything other than �Kid Issues.�

Stay Positive about the Other Parent. No matter the circumstances, don�t down talk the other parent. If the Other Parent isn�t paying child support, it�s none of the kids business and shouldn�t be something that is talked about if not brought up by the child. Whether the parent is around or away, it shouldn�t matter. We once saw good in that person and regardless of how it is now, your child may always think the world of that Other Parent. In time the truth always comes out, and the only way a child will know is discovering for themselves.

Communicate to Your Children About the Special Circumstances of Your Family. You can keep your kids informed without telling them everything. If you talk to your kids early on, when they are ready, you can avoid having them learn from a distant relative, some other child from school or even a stranger.

Spend Quality Time with Your Children. Keeping your family going takes a lot of energy and a good amount of Quality time away from the kids. Set out a time each day to read, play a game, play on the computer or even learn something new. It could be 2 hours or 20 minutes. What matters is that your child know it�s his/her time and they will look forward to each and every day.

Find Support and Use it. There is a lot of help out there, including the resources in this newsletter. Take advantage of them. They�re there for you to utilize. I always keep in mind that one day soon I won�t need them and I can turn around and help others in the same situation.

Take Time for Yourself. You may always have your children around, but don�t forget you are still one person. Keep yourself healthy and feeling positive about being a parent. I know it gets tough and you feel like you are all alone, but you�re not. Take some time out to spend with yourself or even to hang out with friends. Adult conversation and a movie is always nice after a long Saturday of nonstop giggling and cartoons!

About The Author

Marta Dodd is a Single mom and Webmaster of www.navygirl.com and www.onemilitaryparent.com. She has been a single mom for 12 years and is also serving in the United States Naval Reserve. Balancing Single Parenthood and the military is a challenging task which she shares with the world. Stop by her website and see what this ambitious lady is up to!

Marriages May End But Families Are Forever

2008-12-12T22:47:00.001-08:00

It was at that time when our marriage was falling apart and we completely hated each other when we needed to work constructively as parents, as our child�s world was crumbling too.

I have been divorced for over five years now and have a beautiful eleven year old daughter. My ex-husband has re married. They now have a baby girl. I get along very well with my ex husband and his wife and there are many reasons for this friendship.

Deciding to have a child was a separate commitment from the one we made to marry each other. So, from the time we divorced, we decided that we would not let that come in the way of us constructively being her parents.

Yes, but it was hard as we were both very childish back then. We both did terrible things to each other. He hid her passport and often threatened to take her away from me. I threatened to get a restraining order in place, such that he could not come within a certain radius of me. There was name-calling that lasted for months. We each competed for her love and affection and we each thought we were �better�. Luckily, both of us grew up and owned up to our respective childishness.

We had a few bad-examples around us to show us what we did not want for her and we genuinely started to cooperate.

I realised that no one apart from him has her best interest at heart as much as me. I also realised later when he was about to re-marry that I didn�t want my daughter to have to be with a Fairy Tale �Wicked Step Mother�. With these things in mind, I decided consciously to prioritise this friendship between my ex husband and myself, initially and then later, when he re married, I made choices to encourage a healthy and working friendship between his wife and myself, respecting her role as his wife and my daughter�s step mother and often seeking her support and opinions. I was careful never to cross the boundaries or to take advantage of the fact that I too was once married to him, for example, I never referred to my ex husband and me as �we� in front of her. I appreciate her influence in my daughter�s life. I discovered that people generally have so much to contribute to others, if we would only let them. I learnt from them too that when in a relationship or marriage, it was very healthy to encourage your current partner to tolerate and accept your ex spouse being discussed politely in the household.

What the experts think

You may think that this is about sacrificing and giving in but really it�s about being selfish. This is an approach preferred by Dr. Ron Wilkinson, PH.D, a psychotherapist in Dallas, Texas, with 23 years clinical experience working with families. In my discussions with him, he said �I encourage parents to be goal-oriented and selfish. In our culture, �selfish� tends to be seen as a dirty word. In a more pure sense, however, a selfish person is someone who gets what they want.� When each parent sees that there is something in it for them, to have a friendship with the ex-husband, for example, getting to look like the good guy, it makes the whole task easier to do.

Family functioning has been the major emphasis of Dr. Wilkinson�s study and training at both the master's and doctoral level. He has treated many families struggling with this very issue, and has found time and again that nothing is more important to a child's life post-divorce than the relationship between the two parents. Both his clinical and personal experience was confirmed by his 1992 research: that the parents' relationship, more than anything else, determines the child's post-divorce functioning.

A child, even a grown up one, is not concerned with who is right and who is wrong. They are concerned with having a relationship with both parents�regardless of their age.

All this requires fortitude and focus on the goal and not allowing the day to day irritations to get to you. In my training and experiences as a Life Coach and a parent, I learnt to practice the art of Responding versus Reacting. A reaction is automatic, not thought through consequentially, whereas a response is chosen. Between an action and its reaction there is a space, and in that space is the opportunity to choose. Responding is using that space to make that choice and to do or say what will get you closer to your goal rather than away from it. In your dealings with your ex spouse, always remind yourself that your goal is having a working and pleasant relationship with them and it is your goal because of what it�s going to bring YOU. Not just your child.

Develop the habit of carefully choosing your responses instead of impulsively reacting to each other.

Trust is one of the most important ingredients in this relationship. Remember that we are dealing here with your Flesh and Blood, and your ex-husband�s Flesh and Blood too. Both need to feel that the other will do what he/she says they will.

Win Win

Another thing that helps is to be polite �Please� and �Thank you� will get you very far. �just remember �you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar�. In that way you win and your child wins. Of course, your ex spouse also wins. In human relationships, such as marriage and co-parenting either both partners actually win or actually lose. And when one wins at the expense of the other, the one who really loses is the child. So, although sometimes, revenge may seem sweet, check yourself and notice that the only ones who suffer and lose is your child.

Dr. Rick Hanson PH.D says that about 90% of what enables divorced parents to work well together is exactly what enables married parents to work well together, including personal well-being, insight into oneself, emotional openness, civility, empathy, goodwill, clarity about the values and principles that guide parenting practices, and skill at negotiating practical arrangements. The other 10% has to do with things like keeping one's feelings about the divorce compartmentalised away from the business of co-parenting, working out the details of money, custody, vacations, grandparents and integrating new friends/lovers/mates. Employing the services of a Life Coach can make this a lot easier.

If all else fails, Dr. Hanson suggests - imagine that a video recording is being made of your discussion/quarrel/fight with your ex- and your children will be viewing it at some time in the future: how do you want to appear?

It�s okay to love them

Often children feel torn between two parents, this happens within marriages, and definitely in divorced families. It was important for my daughter to see that I was not jealous or hurt that she loved her step mom and her half sister too. We have pictures all over our place of her little half sister. I did not want to separate my child�s family from her.

There is nothing easy about this, and don�t let anyone convince you otherwise. It is hard work. But it�s worth it. When we make a decision to have a child, it is a lifetime commitment and a promise to provide this child with all they need. Divorce may happen but does that mean that we deprive our child of their family? It�s never too late to start building this alliance.

Get clear on what you want for your child and yourself. Think ahead into the future-how it will impact your child when, because of your choices; only one parent is at their graduation, in the hospital waiting room when they get hurt or sick, or at their wedding? Children need both parents and if through a little hard work and perseverance, you can ensure that your child has that, why not do your part?

Ron Wilkinson, Ph.D. A psychotherapist in Dallas, Texas, with 23 years clinical experience working with families. On a more personal note he co-parented his two sons, now 21 and 24, with his ex-wife for the last 13 years and they remain friends yet today. He was very generous to discuss this topic at length with me.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, father (with Jan Hanson) of a 15-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter, and first author of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships (Penguin, 2002).

About The Author

Malti Bhojwani is a trained Life Coach, certified in Neuro Linguistic Programming. She challenges her clients by phone internationally, to re-own their wonderful attributes, which they have "forgotten" using powerful techniques to help discover strategies and create new ones. She works with you to integrate conflicting parts, because she believes that we can only truly move ahead when we are congruent! Call +61419 119900 or visit www.multi-coaching.com

malti@multi-coaching.com

The Day I Tried Saying Yes: Inspiration for Control Freak Parents

2008-12-12T12:07:00.001-08:00

You know how sometimes the most profound conversations with your kids occur in the midst of totally mundane activities? Well, last night I was parking the car at the grocery store, and my 8 year old daughter says to me in a voice full of awe, ย�Mom, did you know that some kids assume their parents are going to say yes?ย�

Sensing a bigger context here, I asked a few questions. She had spent some time over the weekend at a new friendย�s house. Turns out that she was really and truly amazed that her mom said yes with such regularity that her friend no longer bothered to ask her for permission to do things like eat cookies before dinner or watch cartoons.

Quicker than you could say ย�thereย�s no place like homeย�, I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West. Because unlike her new friendย�s mom, I say no. A lot.

There was no manipulative intent on my daughterย�s part. (By now I can spot that a mile away.) She was just truly astounded by the notion of such a cooperative parent.

Well, let me tell you, THAT sure got me a-thinkinย�.

I must confess, my first thought was a feeble hope that it takes a while for her make the next logical mental leap into realizing that if she doesnย�t ask first, I canย�t say no.

My next thought was a memory of something Iย�d read in a business article a few months ago. (Iย�m sorry, but as so often happens I have no clue where it was, so I canย�t give you the reference.) The basic concept is this: when your supervisor makes a request of you, donย�t say no. Even if the granting the request is totally impossible or outrageous. Instead, take a minute to consider what it would take for you to be able to say yes.

So for example, let's say your supervisor asks if you can complete a major project one month earlier than the agreed upon deadline.

Instead of saying ย�No way, forget about it, it canย�t be done,ย� you take a minute to think about it.

ย�Well, in order for that to be accomplished Iย�d need a team of ten additional staff members and $40,000 over the allotted budget.ย�

You have shown a good faith attempt to be a team player, you are not killing the project, and the responsibility for saying yes or no to your suggestion bounces back to the boss.

Hmmm . . . I dream of the blissful applications of this novel concept in my home. . .

ย�Mom, I want this new two hundred dollar Lego set!ย�

Usual response: ย�No way.ย�

New, intriguing response: ย�Itย�s a neat one, huh? Well, I wonder how you could save up enough money to buy it?ย�

We go on to have a mother-son bonding experience as we discuss money-making ventures like mowing lawns, selling old toys at a yard sale, or asking grandma. He feels heard and supported, and eventually gets his Legos. I donย�t have to be the Witch or come up with two hundred bucks. Howย�s that for a win-win?

Nice daydream, eh? Well, not to worry. Since I like to present only tried and true information in my articles, I put it to the real test today.

SON: Mom, can I have this huge sugar laden piece of artificially colored bubble gum I got from the bus driver? (ok, actually it was just ย�Mom, can I chew this gum?ย� It says something about my control freakiness that he evens asks me things like this, doesnย�t it? Poor kid.)

THE NEW ME: (very cheerfully) Sure honey!! As long as you brush your teeth for 3 full minutes when you are finished.

SON: Aw, Mom, come on! Three whole minutes!! If I have Trident do I have to brush my teeth?

ME: (sweetly) Nope, because Trident doesnย�t have sugar in it.

Being both smart and toothbrush phobic, he quickly added up the score.

He threw the bus driver gum away and grabbed 3 pieces of Trident.

And I never had to say the word NO.

Hmm, those business folks appear to be onto something BIG! Granted, it does take more time. But I think itย�s worth it, for two reasons:

First, I donย�t want to be remembered as the Mom Who Always Said NO, and without a lobotomy to remove the control freak part of my brain thereย�s no chance of me being immortalized as the Mom Who Always Said YES.

Second, I believe this process becomes internalized in our children. It encourages problem-solving and creative thinking, and I bet it wears a nice groove in the bridge-building pathways of a developing brain. Kids could grow up seeing opportunities rather than obstacles . . . challenges rather than limitations . . . partners rather than enemies.

In the words of John Lennon . . . Imagine.

Copyright 2005 Karen Alonge

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting mentor with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit www.karenalonge.com for more information.

What to Do When Kids Laugh at You When You Remind or Reprimand Them?

2008-12-09T03:04:00.000-08:00

Ever told your kids off only to have them laugh at your best parenting talk?

You know the situation where you kids have been less than perfect. Rather than fly off the handle you calm yourself down, rehearse your reminder or reprimand and then deliver them using perfect parent talk! There, that should have the right affect, you think!

Wrong! Your kids just stand there giggling, or worse, roll around the floor laughing when you have just delivered your very best parenting line delivered in perfect parent-speak. Well, hopefully the latter (rolling on the floor in fits of laughter) doesn�t happen too often but the former behaviour is something many parents experience.

What do you when children laugh at your best lines? What is this giggling and laughter about?

First, it is useful to work out if you have a serial giggler on your hands or whether a fit of laughter is just a one-off event. If it is the latter then maybe you should relieve the tension and join them on the floor and have a good laugh yourself. Sometimes we parents do take ourselves a tad seriously. If the giggling is habitual then you may need some different approaches.

Some kids will laugh because they are nervous. They have been caught doing the wrong thing so their giggling is more about sheepishness and embarrassment than any disrespect to you. If this is the case, then it may mean you back off a little and don�t back them into a corner. Let them have a say and but don�t be afraid to let them know what you think of their original behaviour.

If these kids just can�t settle down then back off and speak to them at a later date.

Sometimes brothers and sisters egg each other on and laughter just spirals when you are trying to be heard. Use the divide and conquer rule � send your kids in different directions and speak to them one-on-one, rather than as a pair or a group.

Some children use laughter and giggling as an avoidance mechanism. �I don�t like what I am hearing so I will laugh and giggle. That way I don�t have to listen and she/he will stop talking eventually� is behind the behaviour. If this is the case, don�t let your child avoid the consequences of their behaviour. Either back off and speak to them at a later date or, speak through the laughter (this takes practice) and make sure kids know that you mean what you say. That is, if they have been sent to their room then make sure that happens regardless of giggling, squealing or side-splitting laughter!

NOTE: You can take this approach when children block their ears and tell you they are not listening. Your approach to that type of avoidance behaviour should be: �Fine � you may not listen but I am going talk.�

If children�s laughter is more out of disrespect to you than embarrassment, avoidance or sibling urging then you may need to recognise what is happening and reassert yourself. �Okay, I see you are not going to listen to me now. Would you prefer to listen now or would you like to listen to me this evening instead of TV/mealtime?� is the sort of approach you may need to take. Get across to kids that you are to be taken seriously and that you will not engage in games of their making. �If see me when you are calm� is the approach you take then make sure you do follow through!

Too often when time is put between the misbehaviour and the reprimand it easy to forget or our resolves lessens. �That misbehaviour wasn�t so bad after all� we think. Sometimes a little time gives us perspective however it shouldn�t weaken our resolve if the issue is important enough.

Following up kids when they have been less than perfect and following through with what we say are two of the most powerful behaviour modifiers that a parent can use. When we do both and treat kids with dignity then we are teaching them a great deal about respectful behaviour.

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parent Coaching Australia, the author of six books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australian Singapore and the USA. For free courses and resources to help you raise happy kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

A Dangerous Environment

2008-12-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't even begin to believe that your child is safe. There are more dangers than you can possibly imagine waiting to lure children to their doom. You had better be aware of what's happening and take steps to shield them from the danger ... if you don't, your child's sanity and safety are at serious risk.

Does this sound alarmist? Actually, I cannot stress this fact enough ... you have to be just as careful with your five year old on the internet as you would in the worst red-light district back alley in the darkest part of town. If you would not allow your twelve year old wander around a drug den or visit the sex shops in San Francisco, then why on Earth are you letting him or her loose on the internet without supervision?

Let's look at some of the dangers that exist on the internet. The most obvious issue is pornography. There are dirty pictures, video, sounds, movies and anything else you can imagine available everywhere on the web. In fact, it's often difficult to surf without running into a pornographic site occasionally. Just type "whitehouse.com", expecting to get a page about the white house and you'll see that you get a pornographic site.

Oh, and it's not just your run of the mill pornography, no, there is much worse stuff available to anyone who cares to look. Your child can find pictures which will curl your toes at the sheer perversity of the images. While intelligent people can debate whether or not any of this material should be available, even to adults, at all, no one with any conscience and trace of goodness can say it is okay for children to have access to this stuff.

Not only is pornography a danger, but the cyber world is full of other horrible things (just like the real world). Without much work, your child can easily surf to sites which espouse hatred, nazi values, and page after page of extremely graphic, real violence. I even know of some parents who were horrified to find that what they thought were harmless Anime (a style of Japanese cartons) sites that turned out to be hard core, extremely graphic animated sex galleries.

Of course, I'm sure you've all heard of the dangers of unsupervised chat rooms. I have heard that older men hang out in them, waiting for trusting, innocent children. They start up conversations, and before long your child might attempt to travel to meet a nice man - and never come back.

You've got other, more subtle, dangers as well. Your child might surf the internet and find some cool site which asks for personal information. Not knowing any better, he or she might enter your social security number, address, phone number or even your credit card numbers. This could actually put not just your child but your entire family in danger.

I could go on and on about the dangers, but what do you do about it? Is there anything that you can possibly do, short of unplugging the stupid computer, to protect your children?

The first, and most important, thing that you should do is talk to your children. Believe it or not, children are intelligent beings, and they will understand if you use words and concepts that they can comprehend. Explain the dangers, being patient and caring and understanding. It may take a few tries, but they are capable of learning, understanding and obeying. Just be sure you do not portray the dangers as something in any way desirable, and don't forbid them to explore, just explain what's going on.

The second, and equally important, thing to remember is that even if your children do understand and comprehend what you tell them - you should still protect them. Do not let them surf the internet unsupervised if you can help it. Watch them on the web and be sure you know where they are going.

Every once in a while, check over the computer that your child has been using to see what they've been doing. Look at the cookies, the browser history and at images and such stored on the hard drive. I know it sounds like spying, but it's important to know what they are up to before they get into trouble. And oh yes, if you find something, just wait for an opportunity to "discover" what they are doing without giving away that you are looking over their shoulder. Then use this as a means of getting into a discussion with them. You should also take maximum advantage of any and all parental controls that are available to you. Use a product such as NetNanny or Cyber Babysitter to control your child's surfing habits. Set the parental controls of your browser and the major search engines (most of them have a way to filter out adult content).

Does this sound extreme? Any psychiatrist will tell you it is. They will tell you should allow your children to explore at will, along with lots of other, similar garbage. But would you trust your children to the people who funded Adolf Hitler, who give drugs to your children in school and who claim that hardened criminals are really just misunderstood and unloved. (That's a subject for a future article perhaps - how we can improve our civilization and bring peace to the world by lining all of the psychiatrist's up on the nearest wall).

Anyway, digressions aside, the responsible thing to do is to ensure that your children are safe, just like you would if they were wandering around in the mall or in the red light district of a big city. If you don't, you may find yourself taking up a new hobby - looking at milk cartons.

About The Author

Richard Lowe Jr. is the webmaster of Internet Tips And Secrets. This website includes over 1,000 free articles to improve your internet profits, enjoyment and knowledge.

Web Site Address: http://www.internet-tips.net

Weekly newsletter: http://www.internet-tips.net/joinlist.htm

Claudia Arevalo-Lowe is the webmistress of Internet Tips And Secrets and Surviving Asthma. Visit her site at http://survivingasthma.com

Parenting Resolutions for Character Builders, The Best Three Ever!

2008-12-08T02:03:00.001-08:00

Desmond Tutu said, "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as your are to them."

Parents, you can help your gift grow into the best family ever by choosing the three resolutions below. Find out what they are and how to keep them.

"Acting is just a way of making a living: the family is life." Denzel Washington.

What did Desmond Tutu and Denzel Washington have in common? Could it be their belief in family? Or their respect for family life? Or their joy in a close-knit, loving family? Whatever their similarities, you can have all three when you make the following resolutions. All they take are a little time, a loving heart, and commitment to make your awesome family even better.

1.Bond with your children everyday.

Great relationships need nourishment. Nourishment comes in these three forms:

�Attention
�Appreciation
�Affection

To create these bonds is easy. Just listen to your children's ideas, praise the good they do, and give lots of hugs.

2.Kind Discipline avoids breaking your children's spirit. Frederick Douglas once said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair a broken man."

Firm Discipline also thinks before speaking so that you say only what you are willing to do. Your discipline should be the least needed to change your child's behavior, nothing more. This gives your child a sense of fairness and a sense of security.

3. Hold Family Meetings.

Family Meetings give your children a voice. Family Meetings teach them to solve family problems and to commit to making the family better. You'll be proud of your children, proud of yourself, and build character too.

Desmond Tutu and Denzel Washington have it right. Family is life and a gift from God. Bond with your children everyday, discipline with kindness and firmness, and hold family meetings. You'll be building strong children and creating a better life for you, your children, and all those whom your family touches.

Create the best family ever!
Commit to these 3 parenting resolutions!
Become a Character Builder!

Subscribe to Jean Tracy's Free Top-Rated Parenting Newsletter, Tips and Tools for Character Builders at http://KidsDiscuss.com Jean's newsletter is rated as one of the top ten parenting newsletters on the web! Look for her new book,Character Building with the Family Meeting Diary at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com Download Free parenting tips at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com too.

The Most Innovative New Approach for ADHD, a Natural Remedy

2008-11-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems? A powerful intervention that is clinically tested with computerized testing, not merely parent reports, has been available to the public since 1997, but is little known.

It is an over the counter product that contains specific Amino Acid combinations, Essential Fatty Acids, Phospholipid complexes, and Homeopathic Medicines. This product works. And the manufacturer is so certian that it will work for your family that they offer a One Year Money Back Guarantee. This is the finest Natural Solution to attention problems available!

ATTEND helped 80% of the subjects in the clinical trails to be more focused, to get their work done, and to think more clearly, as reported by the parents. Computerized CPT tests (using the TOVA test) showed that 70% of children and teens using ATTEND had better attention spans and focus to a task, were less impulsive (had more self-control), were more consistent in performance, processed information faster, and actually had faster reaction times after just 30 days of using ATTEND.

VAXA's Neuro-Scientists used cutting edge research with amino acid combinations, added Essential Fatty Acids and lipid complexes, reconfigured the homeopathic medicines, and added precursors to specific neurotransmitters. As a result of their work, ATTEND is improving the lives of children and adults who have problems with attention, learning, or impulse control as a natural remedy for adhd.

The detailed Attend ingredients list is available at the ADHD Information Library, as are the data from the study, and a comparison of ATTEND's effective to stimulant medications and to EEG Biofeedback training.

Youth Heroes ย� A Double Standard

2008-11-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

As a boy I danced and shook to the music of Elvis Presley along with the rest of the kids in my generation. I was shocked to hear how he died from the usage of drugs but even when I heard of his death I still was unable to gather the significance of it. Iย�ve had decades to ponder the significance of it and I am sure it doesnย�t fall under the heading of good experiences from my childhood. It is less confusing than it was when I first heard of it but I am far too old now to just pass it off with a one word cover all like, tragedy.

It is far worse than tragedy, it is an experience that if not carefully examined and weighed would slip by without anyone noticing that it is a dangerous double standard that our youth rarely ever see until they are dangerously close to repeating it in their own lives.

No one would argue that Jimmy Hendrix was an innovative rock and roll musician but he died from a drug overdose. No one would say they didnย�t think Janis Joplin did a bang up job with songs like ย�Bobby McGeeย� but sheย�s another drug overdose casualty. John Belushi made us all laugh but he joined the ranks of the dead by drugs in his prime.

Enter the suicides like Curt Cobain, Freddy Prinze, and the list goes on. It isnย�t the lives, the talents or the careers of these people that falls into question; perhaps it is not even how they died that is the biggest double standard. What we say about these people following their deaths is the real problem.

To constantly refer to the talents, the lifestyles or the fame of these people without regard to the matter of how they met their end is a dangerous oversight. It is a way of saying that death from suicide or drug overdose goes with the territory. Media exemplifies and extols their lives for the media sake, not for the youth who purvey the pop culture in search of role models and icons. In many cases it is hard enough to explain the lives they lived much less their deaths.

Showing kids fried eggs and comparing that to their brains on drugs will have little effect if we continue to glorify the lives of those who fried their own brains to the point of death. If we keep feeding our youth the business of their lives how wonย�t they also be fed by the manner of their deaths?

I still have fond remembrances of days when I danced to the music of the King. Iย�m now glad to say I have decided to dance to the tune of a new King. This King never took drugs, didnย�t commit suicide and beat death instead of using it to cop out. His death produces life for others; in fact there is no life without him.

Jesus may have lived the lowly life of a suffering Messiah but the Bible says he will return as the omnipotent ruling ย�King of Kings and Lords of Lords.ย� Revelation 19:16

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Rev Bresciani is the author of two books and many articles online and in print. Please visit his website at www.americanprophet.org

When is it Okay to Argue in Front of Your Children? The Answer May Surprise You!

2008-11-16T06:48:00.000-08:00

When is it okay to argue in front of your children? You may be surprised by the answer to this question: it�s not what you think. Believe it or not there is a right time � and more importantly, a right WAY � to argue in front of your children. Look, you are the constant model for your children about how to behave in life. How are they ever going to learn the appropriate way to negotiate and argue a point if no one ever teaches them? Here are some basic �do�s� and �don�ts� about arguing.

� Be polite. Never, ever argue with the goal of hurting someone, especially in front of your children. Never call names or belittle anyone.

� Be quiet. Yelling is not arguing. It�s trying to force someone to hear you. A quiet voice is always more effective in an argument because it makes the other person more willing to hear you.

� Come back to center. Show your children how to effectively negotiate with someone, and how to still �be friends� when it�s all said and done. I call this �coming back to center.� At the end of the disagreement, both parties should feel heard and validated and each person should always feel loved and accepted.

� Remember that you are not the enemy of the person you are in conflict with. You simply have different ideas about the best way to achieve an end. Looking for common goals is a great way to diffuse an argument and turn it into an exploration of different paths. Isn�t that a great skill to teach your children?

� Never argue in front of your children about your children or their behavior. A good teaching moment can be absolutely ruined if your child begins to be fearful or to take your comments personally.

� Teach your children how to lose graciously. Be a good sport and let go of resentment if you don�t get your way. It�s okay to feel disappointed and there are appropriate ways to show that disappointment. Then, learning how to let go of regret is a great lesson in life!

� Be authentic, but don�t wallow in it. It�s okay to be passionate about an opinion. Children should know that there are things in life that are important and that we should feel passionate about. However, don�t beat a dead horse. Let it be over when it�s over and show your children how to move on.

� Once an agreement has been made, throw yourself wholeheartedly into it. In other words, don�t agree to turn off the television for a week then spend the entire week making snide remarks about it. When you argue, come to an agreement that you both can live with, then do it.

As you can see, when two people respect each other, arguments become negotiations. Learn how to see another�s point of view, respect someone who has a different opinion from you, validate another person�s feelings and learn how to make agreements that are empowering to both parties. Then practice these skills in front of your children so they can learn by your example. Also, give them the space to practice with you so they can hone this new skill.

Imagine a world where people respect each other and make empowering agreements instead of attempting to conquer and rule. Our children will make this possible when they have the skills to do it. It�s up to us to give them the tools and they will build a better world.

Straight talk from the mom who�s been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. For more information, go to http://www.parentingkeys.com .

How Effective is "Attend" in Helping Children with Attention Disorders?

2008-11-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa, FL to provide clinical, "real world" information on the effectiveness of their product called "Attend." Their product was a homeopathic nutraceutical medicine, meaning that it contains homeopathic medicines, plus nutritional medicines. The product has over 70 selected ingredients including specific amino acid combinations, essential fatty acids, phospholipid complexes, vitamins, minerals, and more.

Our study involved subjects ranging in age from 8 to 22. In our clincial studies we found that 70% of the subject using "Attend" for 30 days made statistically significant improvements on the Test of Variables of Attention, or TOVA test. The TOVA is a widely used CPT test for the diagnosis of ADHD, and to track the effectiveness of various treatment interventions. An improvement of 1/2 standard deviation on the TOVA is considered signficant improvement, meaning that it didn't happen by accident.

Subjects focus improved one standard deviation on the bell curve; which means that the subjects could pay attention to their boring testing task much better than before, and for a longer period of time than before. You could expect to see your child, or teenager, stay focused to his school work, or other tasks, longer and better. It will also help concentration in sports, and is sold under a different label for professional golfers.

Self-Control, or the ability to inhibit impulsivity, improved over one and one-have standard deviation; which means that the subjects made fewer mistakes from being impulsive. They controlled themselves better, and made better decisions.

Reaction Time, as measured by a computer, in thousanths of a second, improved one-half of a standard deviation; which means that their neurological processing speeds actually improved. They could process information faster, and respond to the information faster.

The Consistency of Performance score improved more than one standard deviation! This is also known as the Variability score on the TOVA test. This is the most important score on the TOVA related to diagnosing and treating ADD ADHD. When this score improves, it means that the subject is focused longer to task, is more "dialed in" to the task, and his overall level of performance is better. He is not so "scattered" but is performing much better.

These were very signficant results for an over-the-counter product. VAXA then put this formula of "Attend" on the market early in 1997. Since then we have helped the company to develop specific targeted treatment strategies for each different "type" of ADHD using their "Attend" product, as well as other products that they have produced for the treatment of other specific symptoms. For example, their product "Extress " is highly effective for anxiety disorders. However we have successfully used it, along with "Attend" in helping children and teens with ADHD who also experience anxiety, temper outbursts, hyperactivity, or excessive restlessness.

My Best Buddy

2008-11-14T19:07:00.000-08:00

My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is so smart for his age. I recently had a conference with his 1st grade teacher and was surprised to find out that he was having a hard time in school. I guess I was surprised because at home he was perfectly fine. She seems to believe that his problem lies with his inability to pay attention in school. She says it isn�t that he is disruptive but that he can�t seem to keep his attention on one thing for long at a time.

She also warned me that at some point in time someone may suggest he has ADD, and of course with that diagnosis comes medication. I am absolutely against the medicating of kids. I think it is a moral issue as well as a health risk. Kids need to be kids and when teachers can�t deal with them as kids they become easier to be dealt with when medicated. I have seem kids on this medication and they are like zombies, they also lose weight, sleep all the time, have fits of rage, and are likely to have health risks because of this.

My child will not be put on medication for being a kid and that is my final thought on that. Do you know that children have died from heart problems as a result of taking meds. for ADD? It is a fact. I think the school systems need to find another way in dealing with children who do not have an attention span of some others. Do you think TV may have something to do with this? Just a thought. I know kids who sit in front of the TV all the time, never go outside, never work for anything, and they seem to be the most interested in the teacher.

My son never watches TV other than at bedtime or if it�s raining or snowing. He is always outside, I cant keep him in, and that is how it should be. They need to be entertained and encouraged to be active not slugs. I know a lot of parents are pushed into feeling medication is the best solution, but I disagree strongly and feel there has to be better solutions out there. This teacher was not saying he should be medicated, simply suggesting that when and if some one says he has this condition to be prepared. Could it not be that he is a healthy 7 yr old child that gets bored with repetitive work??

Seems logical to me guess we will see where this goes but I am concerned for the youth of today, I�ll leave my doubts and concerns in God�s hands and hope for the best. God bless you and your families.

Vaughn Pascal

To Bub: Grateful that you are a healthy and happy kid, continue being so, I love you Thank You God and Jesus for blessing me with such a smart and healthy, happy child

Your Reference Guide To Caring For A Baby

2008-11-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

Bringing a new baby home is a time for great joy and celebration. There are so many exciting experiences waiting for the happy family. But, it doesn�t take long for mom and dad to discover that caring for a newborn baby, while joyful, can be demanding and exhausting. They also discover that their baby definitely has a mind of his or her own and will make his or her presence felt in a hundred and one ways - not all of them amusing. As most parents will tell you, it�s all a matter of practice and patience.

Feeding your baby: The first you will need to make is whether to breastfeed or bottle-feed your baby. Research shows that, in most cases, breast milk is the best food for your baby. But some mothers cannot or prefer to not breastfeed. Baby formula is a healthy alternative. Always remember to burp your baby gently after a feeding. While feeding from a bottle, make sure your baby is not taking in air bubbles. A newborn baby will need to eat every few hours around the clock so be prepared for interrupted sleep. When your baby is ready to accept semi-solids and solids, introduce one food at a time. Allow him or time to get used to each food. Avoid baby foods with additives.

Diapering: You will need to decide if you are going to use cloth diapers or disposable diapers. If you decide on cloth diapers you may want to consider using a diaper service. Each option has its own pros and cons. Parents usually make a decision based on time, convenience, environmental concerns and financial considerations. The best advice I�ve received is to avoid a puritanical fascination for any one type of diaper. I use a combination of cloth and disposable. I use cloth at home and disposable diapers when I�m running errands with the baby, visiting friends and relatives, or traveling.

Bathing and Grooming: That first bath at home can be scary for a parent. Until your baby�s umbilical cord stub falls off, only give sponge baths. A baby bathtub makes giving your bath easier and safer. Before placing your baby in the water, test it will your elbow to make sure it�s not too hot or too cold. Never leave your baby unattended while he or she is in the bath. After the bath, bundle your baby up in a nice fluffy towel and dry him or her thoroughly. Make sure the umbilical area is dry and that the eyes, ears and nose are clean. You may need to clean these with a wet washcloth, but never insert buds into them. Trim your baby�s nails just after a bath.

Sleeping: Experts recommend putting your baby to sleep on his or her back. It�s not uncommon for a baby to wake at least once during the night until he or she is about a year old. The younger the baby, the more times he or she will wake during the night for feeding and changing. Feed, change, and comfort your baby when he or she wakes up at night but don�t turn those �awake� periods at night into playtime or it will be harder for you to get your baby to the point of sleeping through the night.

Common health problems include colic, diaper rash, cradle cap, skin rashes and ear infections. Many of these problems need just a little extra care and patience. Call your doctor with any concerns or questions. If your baby is in pain, take him or her in for a doctor visit.

Traveling: A common question of parents is when it is safe to travel by air with a baby. You should wait at least two weeks after the baby is born to take him or her on a trip that includes a flight. After that, most experts say it is safe to travel by air with your baby as long as your baby is not sick. When traveling, pack all the items you need along with plenty of extra clothes and diapers. If traveling by air, call the airline to make arrangements for taking your baby�s car seat or carrier and stroller (a combination car seat/stroller works great) on the plane.

Safety and comfort are two of the most important things to keep in mind when you handle your baby. It is a good idea to have a fairly regular schedule for bathing, feeding, playing and sleeping. Your baby will always respond to a warm, loving environment. Hold your baby, cuddle him or her and respond to his or her cries. It is impossible to �spoil� a little baby. Let your love overflow. Most of all enjoy early parenthood - kids grow up very fast.

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Kerri Stalton is a featured writer for BabiesExpert.com. For your guide to caring for a baby, and for more baby safety information, visit us.

How Internet Predators Select Their Victims

2008-11-14T02:46:00.000-08:00

The average pedophile will victimize between 50-150 children before he comes to the attention of law enforcement. A large and growing number of predators have gravitated towards the internet, reasoning that browsing the personal profiles children themselves post on instant message services and anonymously lurking in chat rooms is less risky and more effective than hanging around playgrounds and schoolyards. The number of predators using the internet to groom children for future exploitation rises every month.

How do internet predators select their victims? Here are some important factors:

* Almost by definition, internet predators favor children who have regular (and private) access to a computer. Most victims live in suburban or rural areas while relatively few live in inner cities.

* Internet predators gravitate towards children who are online for lengthy periods of time each day, and usually at the same time of day. Predators seek children whose schedules mesh with their own, children who are online most days during a consistent time frame. Think about it� predators have little chance to groom a child for future exploitation if that child is rarely online or is online at various times of the day. Children who do not have a lot of activities outside of school tend to be online longer and at the same times of day compared to those children who have lots of activities. These children are more often targeted by internet predators.

* Internet predators prefer children who have instant message accounts. Although some predators use email, many prefer communicating with their victims through instant messages. Predators know that while emails are saved automatically and have to be manually deleted, instant messages tend to evaporate into the ether once the instant message window is closed. Parents can keep a permanent record of instant message conversations by installing instant message monitoring software on their children�s computers. PCSentinel Software ( www.pcsentinelsoftware.com ) is one vendor of such software.

* Internet predators search out children who will speak to them. Again this seems self-evident, but predators are forced to pass over children who refuse to communicate with strangers they have not met offline. Teach your children never to communicate online with someone they have not met offline.

* Internet predators search out children who are vulnerable and lonely, sheltered and naive. Predators seek to develop a relationship with their targets, often posing as children or teenagers themselves, and then use that relationship to initiate sexual discussion and activity or lure the child into an offline meeting.

* Internet predators are all the more emboldened if they find out a child is from a single parent family, having trouble at school or with the law, or has been experimenting with drugs, alcohol or sexual activity.

* Internet predators search out children who post personal profiles on the internet, especially those that provide name, age, photos, gender, physical description, telephone number, address, etc.

* Internet predators favor targets who own webcams or digital cameras. Predators often coerce children into using these devices to send images of themselves to the predator. If a child does not own a camera, predators sometimes send one to their targets for the purpose of photographing themselves.

* To be successful, internet predators require children who will not terminate the relationship at the first suggestion of sexual activity. Even if a vulnerable child with few friends is uncomfortable with sexual talk, they will sometimes put up with the unpleasantness of the conversation for fear of losing their new �friend�.

* Internet predators seem to favor victims between the ages of 12-15. These are the ages where children are discovering their own sexuality and independence, and also the ages where they are most likely to be conned into meeting with a stranger without telling their parents. Younger and older children are also solicited, but as a whole tend to be harder targets.

Michael Ryan owns and operates PCSentinel Software, developer of easy-to-use keylogger software such as PCSentinel�s Busted: Keylogger and Instant Message Monitor and PCSentinel�s Red-Handed: Record Instant Messages!

Preventing Sibling Rivalry

2008-11-13T05:25:00.000-08:00

I'm at the kitchen table writing on my laptop while my ten year old son tackles and pins the six year old neighbor girl in the living room. It's a wrestling match. When the kitchen timer rings, the next round will be my seven year old daughter against the eleven year old neighbor boy. Sometimes they do tag team.

To the casual observer I may look negligent, but I'm actually quite conscious of every move. My laissez-faire style has developed from countless hours spent observing such altercations from a quietly attentive eye in the back of my head. This group of kids has always displayed an underlying concern for each other. They've earned the privilege of holding wrestling matches. Despite the many thumps, thuds and crashes, no one has ever been hurt.

The big ones somehow control their bodies so as not to hurt the little ones. It is really an amazing thing to witness . . . I'm not quite sure how they do it. They're like puppies. They feel where each person stops and starts, they sense the line between play and abuse, and they really don't want to cross it. They just need and want to get physical in their play together.

Parents are often concerned about physical interactions between kids. We feel the urge to rush in and protect the little ones. We set down all kinds of rules designed to keep things safe -- no hitting, no pushing, sometimes even no name-calling (I'll tackle that one in another article). But these rules are not necessary for the kids. They are for us, so that we feel like watchful and responsible parents. In most cases, kids do not want to hurt each other. Even when they are fighting for real, not just wrestling. They simply want to defend their own bodies, possessions and personal space.

For example, if one child grabs a toy that another child was already using, the natural reaction will be to grab it back, push the offender away, and then go back to playing. Rarely will the one who was using the toy put it down in order to pursue or punish the offender. And rarely will the offender persist more than once or twice when met with this kind of resistance.

It is only when we grownups interfere with this natural feedback loop that things can get out of control. This is because often we ask the one who was violated to use his or her words to get the toy back. Guess what, folks? This hardly ever works with young children! They are physical, not verbal. I know, we think we are teaching them to be civilized and all that. But to take away a child's natural and appropriate defense against a violation and substitute one that is usually ineffective leaves the child with no way to protect himself. At which point he becomes an enticing victim, and as he is violated again and again and not allowed to defend himself effectively he gets angry. And when we aren't looking he really wallops the other kid.

I first observed this dynamic when my daughter was about a year old. She would just grab a toy out of her 3 year old brother's hand and run away. I had taught him that under no circumstances was he to hit his sister. She totally ignored his civilized request that the toy be returned. So unless he came and got me and asked me to intervene, he lost his toy!

My rule had disempowered him and set him up to be victimized. It also made me the enforcer, and involved me in almost every one of their interactions. If I was too busy to help, he lost. When I got interrupted repeatedly from whatever I was doing to be the toy police, I lost!

It didn't take long for me to see that this was just not going to work. I was annoyed from the constant interruptions. My baby daughter was well on her way to becoming a bully. And coincidentally, right around that same time something strange happened to our hallway. It must have become a lot narrower, because suddenly it seemed impossible for them to pass each other in opposite directions without his elbow making contact with her chest and knocking her over. (and we wonder about the roots of sibling rivalry)

So I taught him that he was allowed to take back whatever she grabbed, using words accompanied by force if necessary. And he was also allowed to hold her arms down to her sides when she started hitting him. In this way balance was restored. She learned that there were unpleasant consequences to grabbing and hitting. He learned how to defend his space without becoming overly angry or aggressive. I was relieved to see that they could really work things out on their own without my constant intervention. And as an added bonus, our hallway returned to its normal size.

A key part to this strategy is that the one who is enforcing their boundaries is not allowed to use any more force than is necessary to stop the attack. So if my son were to grab the toy back and then chase her around the house hitting her over the head with it, I'd need to intervene.

When I encouraged this intuitive balancing, conditions became very conducive to forgiveness. Anger did not build up to the level of a grudge. A violation occurred, it was corrected, and they got right back to the business of playing, which was all they wanted to do in the first place.

I wonder what a child raised in this way would have to say about the current world situation? Maybe that people must not be allowed to hurt other people, violate boundaries, or threaten the safety of others. So we will use only exactly as much force as is necessary to protect ourselves and others from violation. And then as soon as possible we'll get back to the business of living together as stewards of this planet.

Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting consultant with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit http://www.karenalonge.com for more information.

How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts

2008-11-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

Coping with a child�s bad behavior, perhaps more than any other aspect of parenting, can cause stress, family disfunction, and a general loss of harmony in your home. Over time, negative behavior cycles can become ingrained in a family�s way of interacting with each other
1. Be a Benevolent Dictator
In today�s times it is tempting to think of our family as a small Democracy, giving equal weight to the wants and needs of every member. Families schedule meetings to discuss rules. Negotiation is a skill learned even before tying shoes. Rules apply only if children choose to obey them. Giving children lots of choices seems to be of paramount importance. Parents who operate these types of Democracies think that they are showing their children love and respect. In fact, what these parents are showing their children is that they don�t have the fortitude to do what is right.

This approach belies the fact that we parents usually have decades more life experience than our children, we have had more education, and we are more mature (hopefully). In short, we should be the ones in charge. Contrary to what children might say, they in fact, want us to be in charge. They know better than anyone what their limitations are, and if they are given too much responsibility, it scares them. Imagine how you would feel if you were suddenly put in charge of a small country in a foreign land. You might feel powerful, but I dare say, you wouldn�t feel secure. It�s like being the captain of a sailboat and not knowing how to sail. Eventually you would run aground.

Research has shown that in order to raise well-adjusted kids, parents need to be authoritative. Authoritative parents were described as people whose motto is, �I love and respect you, but since I am the parent, you have to do what I say regardless of whether you agree with me.� Taking this type of approach with your child ensures that they know they are loved, and that they will be saved from making bad choices because they have a parent looking out for them. Setting limits for your kids makes the world more manageable for them. They feel safer knowing what the boundaries are, and in knowing that they have your help to stay within them.

2. Consistency is Key
Choose a small number of rules that are absolute and stick to them! These rules should be non-negotiable and carry with them clear and immediate consequences if they are broken. In my family, rules about safety are set in stone. If you ride your bike without a helmet, you lose bike privileges for a week. No exceptions. This way I know my child is always going to wear his helmet, and I save myself the hassle of arguing with him each day after school about whether he can ride his bike without it.

A psychologist I know stated that the surest way to have kids who misbehave is to be inconsistent. By having limits that are fluid and that change depending on circumstances, kids spend most of their time with you testing those limits. They know that sooner or later, they�ll wear you out, and they�ll get what they want. So, if you want to be worn out day after day, then the secret is to be wishy-washy about rules. If you don�t want to battle day after day with your kids, then set good rules and stick to them!

3. Know Your Child
Every child has a unique style which includes their own set of triggers for bad behavior. For my son, transitions always cause him to become unglued. A temper tantrum always ensued at the end of play dates, the beginning of a school day, or the call to the dinner table. So, I learned early on that to avoid that type of misbehavior, I needed to be savvy about transitions. I give plenty of warning before a transition, and I usually sweeten the deal to make it easier. For example, I play his favorite music in the car on the way to school so that he focuses on looking forward to his songs rather than his nerves about having to leave the house and head to class.

Your child might have similar issues with transitions, or she may act up when tired or hungry. Your child might feel uncomfortable in crowds, be afraid of loud noises, or become easily overwhelmed in stores. By knowing your child�s triggers for bad behavior, you�ll know what to avoid. For those things you can�t avoid, you�ll at least be able to develop helpful strategies for coping with problems.

4. Know Yourself
In addition to being in tune with your child�s style, you need to be aware of what your particular needs are. It will always lead to trouble if you expect lots of peace and quiet after work, but your kids need your help with homework and a ride to soccer. If you are tense and irritable, it will most certainly translate to misbehavior in your kids. Busy schedules rarely enable parents to have a peaceful dinner hour, but perhaps you can insist on twenty minutes to unwind in your room before you join the fray downstairs. My mother made a rule that we couldn�t ask anything of her until she had changed into her jeans. That was our signal that she had decompressed after work and was ready to engage in the family hubbub.

5. Pay Attention
Children often misbehave simply to get their parents� attention. Though it confounds adults, children would rather be yelled at than be ignored. Perhaps it is Darwinian�in the wild, to be ignored by a parent meant that you weren�t safe. Whatever its origin, this aspect of child-rearing can be especially trying. Negative cycles can so easily begin by a child learning that acting up is the surest way to get a parent�s attention. The only way to avoid this is to lavish love and attention on your child when they are behaving well. Enjoy their company and play games with them. Praise them with words and gestures often. Reward your child with special activities with you�not with toys and treats. If you sense that your children are acting up more than they should, then that is a sign that you need to stop waiting for your children to misbehave before you give them your attention. With all the love and attention from you that they need, there won�t be many reasons to misbehave!

Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids�. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children�s software company. Katie�s expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.

How Can I Teach My Child Respect?

2008-11-10T20:25:00.001-08:00

A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. We in fact were taught to "obey" and do as we were told; no questions asked. Many of those people did command respect but unfortunately many of them abused their position of power and felt they were licensed to say and do whatever they wanted simply by virtue of the position they held.

There are 3 components to respect; the respect you have for yourself, the respect you have for others and the respect you COMMAND of others. It is our job as parents to model and teach all three. Is it reasonable for us to command respect simply because we're a parent?

For our children to learn respect we first and foremost need to learn to show respect towards ourselves. How is that done? We show respect for ourselves but setting clear and concise boundaries, presenting ourselves to others in a way that says we respect who we are, honouring our gifts and talents and choosing to spend time with people that support and value who we are.

It's very difficult to command respect if we don't show respect towards others, including our children. How do we show our children that we respect them? Showing respect towards our children means respecting their privacy, saying "please" and "thank-you" in a way that they know we're genuine, accepting their likes and dislikes, showing respect for their style of learning, speaking to them in a tone that we would want to be spoken to, speaking to them at eye level and making a point not to demean them in public. It also means giving them our time when they need it and acknowledging their feelings.

Children need to witness us treating our partners, co-workers, service providers, neighbors and friends respectfully. One of the ways they learn to show respect towards others is by what they've experienced through us. How do we handle disagreements? How do we talk about others when they're not around? How do we address people? How do we respect people's individual rights? Children learn what they live.

By no means should we accept rudeness and disrespect from our children. We can always say: "When you can ask me in a more polite way, I'd be glad to help you." Children will often challenge us and say things to try and make us feel guilty so we'll change our mind. For the most part, it's wise to just not engage in any kind of power struggle just to prove that we're the boss. We can simply state our request and then walk away and resolve not to give in if we've decided that the issue is non negotiable. If on the other hand, your child has presented an argument that is worth considering, he/she deserves to be heard. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to change your mind but it may be that there is room for negotiation. If they've presented a good argument in a non-confrontational manner, they deserve to be acknowledged. We also have a right to impose a reasonable consequence if a child has displayed blatant disrespect. It clearly tells them that you won't accept the behavior.

Being able to challenge someone's opinion or point of view, I believe is healthy as long as it's not done in a way that undermines the other person's character. Do we want to raise children that never question authority even when it seems unreasonable, unfair or unethical?

Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach who has worked with parents for over 16 years. She presents workshops and seminars as well as works with parents privately helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges.

http://www.theparentingcoach.com
barb@theparentingcoach.com
604-524-1783

Will My Doubts And Fears Affect My Child?

2008-11-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father is concerned about his son, a high school athlete with a vision of playing professional sports. The father's fear is that his son won't be accepted into the 'right' college to be scouted by the professionals. He wanted to know:

How does your vibration, as a parent, affect your children?

Can your negative or low frequency vibration create resistance or prevent your child from attracting his or her desire?

How much influence do you have over your child's ability to attract something they desire?

What would you tell this father?

My answer was simple: "Your vibration affects your child to the degree that he allows it."

Now, you might think that the older the child, the stronger his or her vibration will be--that the parent's vibration would be less influential as the child matures. However, that is not necessarily so.

Another client told me about a camping trip that her family took last summer. Picture this: mother, father and 7 year old Janice are driving in the car, through a national forest, looking for a place to set up camp. Father is discouraged and making comments like, "We're not going to get a place to camp." Every time he said that, little Janice said, to herself, "We ARE going to get a camping spot." This went on for a couple of hours, as the family drove from one campsite to the next looking for an opening. Finally, Janice spoke up, rather defiantly: "Yes we ARE going to get a camping place. I just know it!" And at the very next campsite, there was a vacant site right close to the gate. My client said she was impressed with her daughter's ability to maintain her high vibration of expectancy, while a parent was vibrating such negativity.

I have three (almost four) grandchildren. One little fellow has displayed a true stubborn streak since he was a toddler. While his independence and self-determination are sometimes difficult to live with, I realize that he is exercising his right to not let other people set his vibration...oh, no! He has his mind made up and he's going to have his way--always! Could it be that he knows something that my generation is just learning? Maintain your own vibration!

Not all children have developed the ability to maintain a positive vibration when their parent is vibrating fear or doubt. I was able to help the father, who recognized his own negative vibration, create a Focus Wheel. Together we came up with six or seven statements which allowed him to release his fears and raise his vibrational frequency. Statements like, "Even though most sports professionals are scouted at certain Universities, it IS possible to be scouted elsewhere." "My son has the ability to attract his desire." "The Universe knows the BEST way to bring about the fulfillment of my son's desire."

Rebecca Hanson is a Master Law of Attraction Coach. Thousands of people have enjoyed her talks or articles about real-life experiences and how she found the "nugget of truth" in every situation. Now she has such a deep grasp of how faith, beliefs and thinking work that she is able to lift others to a higher level, very quickly. You can contact Rebecca at Rebecca@YouCanHaveItAll.com or on her website at http://www.youcanhaveitall.com and sign up for her free ย�Museletterย�.

Rebecca has also written a book called, ย�Law of Attraction for Business: How to create a business or attract a job you LOVE!ย� To find out more about this book and other information check out http://www.lawofattractionresources.com/

Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Rebecca Hanson is a Master Law of Attraction Coach. Thousands of people have enjoyed her talks or articles about real-life experiences and how she found the "nugget of truth" in every situation. Now she has such a deep grasp of how faith, beliefs and thinking work that she is able to lift others to a higher level, very quickly. You can contact Rebecca at Rebecca@YouCanHaveItAll.com or on her website at www.youcanhaveitall.com and sign up for her free ย�Museletterย�. Rebecca has also written a book called, ย�Law of Attraction for Business: How to create a business or attract a job you LOVE!ย� To find out more about this book and other information check out www.lawofattractionresources.com/

Helping Your Kid's Grow a Garden

2008-11-09T22:44:00.001-08:00

Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their own garden patch and a spot to dig. Children love getting their hands dirty and watching things grow.

Be sure to buy good quality, child sized gardening tools. Plastic toy versions just won�t hold up to the task. You will also need children�s gloves and a watering can.

Mark off the garden area and turn the soil. Kids can help break up any lumps with their hands. Work in some organic compost.

Choose seeds that will grow quickly. Small children get impatient if their plants take too long to sprout. Radishes, Snapdragons, Cosmos, and Sunflowers will all germinate quickly. Carrots and strawberries are also easy to grow-- and yummy to eat.

Large seeds like beans and Morning Glories are easy for small fingers to push into the ground. You can start your seeds indoors in an eggshell carton. When the seedlings are an inch high, tear off the egg carton, and leaving the soil intact, transplant the seedlings outside.

Or, try placing beans on a wet paper towel inside a zip top bag. Tape the bag to a sunny window and wait for the seeds to germinate. I can remember, as a child, checking my beans every morning before school. The first shoots appeared to my delight and we carefully transplanted the beans outdoors.

Make garden markers by painting small rocks. This will help kids keep track of their selections.

Make it fun! Grow a sunflower house by planting the sunflowers in a circle with a space in the middle big enough for your kids to hide. Be sure to leave room for a door.

Grow a spaghetti garden. Plant herbs such as basil, oregano, rosemary, and parsley. My kids love to snip fresh herbs. They stuff their pockets full of scented �spaghetti� herbs.

Share your garden with butterflies and hummingbirds. Zinnias, Verbena, and Cosmos are butterfly favorites. Hummingbirds love the nectar from Nasturtium and Lantana, and Hollyhocks.

Children love to pick up bugs and worms. Poke holes in the top of an old jar. Add some dirt and a few, new found specimens. Be sure to release the critters back into nature after a few hours.

Arm your kids with cameras to take photos throughout the summer. They will enjoy remembering the fruits of their labor. And, the pictures will help your budding gardener plan for next year.

Happy planting. And, don�t forget to pick a few bouquets for mom.

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About the Author: Rondi Hillstrom Davis is the co-author of the award-winning book Together: Creating Family Traditions. To check out her website that's jam packed with family ideas, visit http://www.togetherparenting.com